Weirdest Thing I Have Heard Today

Yes, I have a new feature for ya'll the weirdest thing I have heard today.
Today's Thing: Assifier (pronounced ass-a-fi-er, kinda like pacifier)
Definition: Similar to a pacifier, this is an object that plugs a hole, specifically your ass. This is used in a number of situations. For example, you can use this thing to describe how someone looks, feels, or acts (as well as other descriptors that I haven't thought of...feel free to give examples of your own in the comments).
By the way, anybody who is looking to cash in on this great idea (for sexual pleasure, candy or other ideas) can't without my EXCLUSIVE permission (read as - give me money first, ask questions later) since I am coining the phrase. By the way, any comments that you leave will become my property, you forfeit all rights to your comments and they may be used in my advertising campaigns (possibly in exchange for an actual assifier at my sole discression).