Horrendous Lies

I would like to clear up a little conspiracy that has been going around the Republocrat headquarters and take the shade off of my name. The incident that I am referring to is the blatant and irresponsible mentioning of my tenure at Little Caesars Pizza. I have only "thrown dough at management" when properly agitated by management. I have never and will never admit to throwing dough at Baren without being properly provoked.

As for the implication that I am a pirate, I would like to respond by saying that it takes one to know one. I do not deny my pirate background, however I would like to note a few minor differences.

• My "About Me" page does not feature a likeness of a skull and cross bones
• I pioneered the term "yarr" in the context of "yarr, thank ye for calling Little Caesars Pizza - land of the briny deep"
• Baren was once a symbol of authority (Navy, remember?) and pirates don't like authority of any sort

That being said, I also don't like authority but have made a special exception for my buddy Baren.
I'm Mr. Me, and I approve of my message(s).