My Dog: Gabe

My dog, Gabe. He is just the funniest little shitsu. 

Horray!

Today is a red letter day, yes indeed. As frequent visitors will note, there is a new item on my webpage today. It is a Google adsense bar, and it is right over there on the right hand side, just a little below my flavorite links. PLEASE, if anything strikes your fancy, do not hesitate to click it. Yes, money is a good thing and I think that most of you will agree. These days I could use a little extra moneys - so since the "Make a Donation" button hasn't accumulated a red cent, I decided to try a different route.

Last time I told you about podcasting and mentioned that I may be making an audio post - per usual nobody said anything about this idea, and also per usual I interpreted this as that ya'll wanted to hear my squirley voice and yet I have disapointed. Yes, I promise that it is coming sooner or later - notice that I didn't specify a date or time there, just it's coming when I am happy with the way it sounds. Until then, you will just have to deal with my squirley typing (insert smiley face here).

Well, I have had a long day/night so I'll sign off for now.
Until next time,
~ Mr. Me ~

A Good Analogy Is Like...

A good analogy is like ... well, a good analogy. I think that analogies are a perfect way of insulting someone, especially if they are as sharp as a marble. It never fails - someone in the vastness of the internet will get a chuckle out of that one. I would like to say that I made that up, but no - someone somewhere sometime told it to me. I would now like to include a list of ways to call someone stupid (borrowed - without permission) from http://www.anvari.org/shortjoke/EmailJoke_Set_1/3339.html (thank you Google).

Creative Ways to Say Someone is Stupid
About as sharp as a marble.
A few clowns short of a circus.
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas Tree.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
I wish I had a blueprint for his brain; I'm trying to build an idiot.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
He only has one oar in the water.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all her Cornflakes in one box.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay her brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
24 cents short of a quarter.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

Fair warning, using the above quotes could lead to multiple (possibly severe) injuries - then again maybe you will get away with it and confuse your victim and get some respect from anyone listening.

Speaking of listening, I am planning on starting to make (somewhat) periodic updates via a new service called AudioBlogging. It was super simple to setup, I highly recommend that anyone even remotely interested in podcasting signup asap. For those who refuse to follow any links on my site, AudioBlogging is as simple as dialing a telephone number. Podcasting got it's name from iPod (a popular portable MP3 music player) and broadcasting (the projection of content across a medium - most popular in the form of television and radio broadcasting). Please note that to listen to a 'podcast' you don't need to have an iPod, just a way of listening to MP3's (such as Winamp). Essentially this service is designed to give blogs voices, something I am not too sure about but am willing to try.

To keep costs down on the server hosting the audio files, no single recording will be longer than 5 minutes - but I doubt that I will find a way to fill those 5 minutes for a while *unless I get off on a rant of some sort*.

Remember: Talking to the automatic operatior is only fun if you have a snappy comeback for "If you would like to make a call, please hang up and try again".

In the (now) immortal words of Ryan Seacrest,
Mr. Me out.

Perfection - In A Bag

Today while I was walking around Costco, I happened upon a product called "Perfection". What I found most interesting about this item was what "Perfection" actually was ... (drumroll please) ... long stalk wheat. Yep, for all of you that are looking for perfection, it can be found in a white bag at Costcos everwhere.

Today's Rant Of The Minute is brought to you by: The Number 2 (the greatest number), and "Perfection" - not just long *stalks* if you know what I mean. This rant is more of a general rant than my usual highly directional rants. Today I would like to rant about people who don't do their jobs. *cough*Nate*cough* Not that I am talking about anyone in particular here, but a certain person - who won't be named *cough*Nate*cough* has earned the right to be upgraded to a Grade B jerk due to his lack of work ability and general use of his handicap for his own personal gain. Yes, the person I am refering to has multiple handicaps, one of which is that his work ethic has gone to shit the last few weeks. His other handicap involves partial blindness (which doesn't stop him from reading books just like you and me - no big print or anything). This specimin has managed to do less in two weeks than I do in one night. He has no drive - no ability - and no need to try (thanks to his handicaps). On an up note, he has been labeled the black sheep of the janitor crew and has managed to make an ass of himself time and time again, only to get mad when someone picks on him. This ends the Rant Of The Minute, thanks to our sponsors: The Number 2,and "Perfection"

I got some bad news this morning - my Grandpa died last night, around 11:00 PM. I am planning to attend his funeral on Wednesday, so don't expect any updates between now and Friday.

That is all,
~ Mr. Me ~

Disturbing

I happened upon one of the funniest and coincidentally most disturbing websites I have ever viewed. So naturally, I figured that I would drop a link for ya'll to check out. First, the not disturbing part of the site: http://www.i-mockery.com, next, the most disturbing part I have found yet: http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/sexual-games/10.php
For all of you that haven't clicked on that link yet, be warned that it contains a lot of homoerotic activity.

Well, now that I got that out of my system - off to bed with me.
Laters,
~ Mr. Me ~

Week 2: Done

My second week at my job is finished, with the exception that I have to go in tomorrow to do some cleaning. Saturday is all overtime though, which means that my 2 pm - ?? means pure profit.

Well, I thought that I went over board on Monday with my insanely long (and politically slanted) rant of the minute however my good buddy Dr. Worm thinks it is "some of my best stuff" which makes me wonder: is my blog more entertaining as a place to vent my frustrations with the world? To that end, I have decided that I really need a good place to vent, and since nobody said that they *hated* my last post, I will assume that ya'll will keep reading and occasionally commenting.

So, I went to the University of Nevada Reno with my wife today to get some paperwork stuff figured out and to do a little recon on finding out how to get into the college of business. All went fine with my wife's meeting, I was not so lucky. We found the proper building and navigated our way to the counseling room with minimal hassle - so far so good. When we arrived at the door, there was a paper that said something like "Hours of operation 8 - 1 pm, 2pm - (whenever)". No problem - except that we were there at about 1:30 ... bummer. My wife peeked in the door and saw a secretary - so we snuck in and waited very patiently for "Betty" to get off the phone (we had a seat). After about 2 minutes the secretary hung up, muttering about being on hold for too long and finally asked us what we wanted. I told her that I needed some information on what was required to get into the college of business. Her reply: "Well, I don't know exactly ... you would need to talk to one of our advisors", okay at least I tried. Just as I was about to stand up to leave, she asked if there was a more specific question that she might be able to answer, so being the kind hearted person that I am, I asked *politely* if she knew if I needed to take a test to get into the program. She answered almost identically to my last question. At this point the only thing that I wanted was to leave, I knew that she was going to be no help. I told her that I understood and again made a move to stand - no dice. Betty moved over to a well organized display of pamphlets and brochures, asking me if I had taken any college classes previously - or picked my major. I told her yes and tried to explain where I received my credits and what degree I was working towards, but she cut me off by telling me that they offered a variety of majors. Each brochure that she picked up (which coincidentally corresponded to the majors available at this institution) she read off, making a pile of them. Betty didn't stop once she had gathered all 8, no no - she kept picking up page after pamphlet muttering "and this, and this" under her breath. At this point, I pulled ever object from my pocket and hurled them at her, hoping that she would be stunned long enough for me to escape. Not really, but that is what I should have done. I looked at my wife, we both rolled our eyes and took the stack of paper the helpful secretary gave us. Betty must have training in keeping people hostage with inane babble because she did a damn good job of keeping me in that god forsaken office, she managed over 15 minutes.

Sometimes I think that I am too nice to stupid people - and other times I just wish that I had a camera handy to record their stupidity in all of it's glory. This time however I will have to get my revenge in the world of blogs. All and all, let's just hope that Betty doesn't ever run into Satan, she might be able to teach him a trick or two.

Until next time,
~ Mr. Me ~